some folks saw it in the distance.but you didn't.

she said you should blog more. so of course you're going to wait a few weeks until you do. who in the hell wants some broad to give directions?.seriously.

anyways.i have this blog and someone said i should. so i am.insert your laugh here.

Life has been quite an experience thus far. Updates are of course in order for you dear friend, as I'm sure none have kept you up the speed. It's a daunting task to bring up our lives though, what with personal crisis, sexual romps, and random spankings it's a wonder men even walk out there front doors.

sexual romps, adam?
well it made you re-read my blog, right?

I honestly have no idea where to begin. Section it out by subject matter or feather words about with you being the one responsible for sorting through the mess.

i'll take dave letterman's advice

top ten things significant in adam brewers life are...

10. my strength as a man builds with each obstacle
9. humility is hard to come by
8. saying 'fuckin'' between sentances sounds cool
7. women are the root/stem/branch/head of most evil. even when not, they're close by winking at you.
6. metal releases the soul in ways religion has tried for years and years.
5. you're not worth it
4. you are, though
3. truth will burn through metal doors
2. colorado is glorious and disgusting
1. it feels ludacris to pursue this dream at time

.fin.

dictionary

Abbreviated life - n - A compartmentalized form of going about one’s day, speech, and thought-life; shortened and simplistic living;

Arrows, Sparrows, Sin, Sainthood, And Being Introspective

So last night in a fit of boredom I drove northbound to the Killen, TX local Starbucks. Sadly this promise land of coffee and comfy chairs was closed due to Sister Winter pissing all over the landscape.

:-(

This led me to the insufferable position of finding a new place, not ideal for a introverted P with the planning styles of a J (in some ways.) Not exactly spontaneous, I remembered wanting a book from Hastings, an often trust worthy consumer-friendly store. Driving through the icy wasteland of wet roads, slush, and tossed cigarettes there came a store passed by many times before yet noted in the back of my mind on several occasions.

A Christian bookstore.

Now, for those who have not been with me these past two and a half years, I have the bad/wrong/childish tendency to judge things based by their covers. By things I mean, pretty much, only Christian things.

Why?

I dunno. Maybe cause there seems to be a culture where there ought not really be one, at least not the white bread one peppered all over the United States (or at least the 1/303294 of it I've seen.)

Alas, all of this was (*thankfully*) not enough to stop this Adam from entering the store. Though cute I still felt like Ned Flanders had taken over a Barnes and Noble, and decided to add a Hallmark to the left wing. Pastels, white angels, cds, and some other things, appropriately there - I guesss.

Anyways, I found the bible study I was looking for (did I mention I was looking for one? If not, I was.)

Tonight was my first crack at it. The passage dealt with was nothing more than an introductory. In the past two years Paul's letters actually came alive, with no other thanks than to the Spirit's own punching me in the face (my language: he helped me learn.) Seeing the opening words explain more than "Hey guys..." is really a blessing.

Anywho, one of the questions asked in this study dealt with benefits of God's grace in our present lives, the moment-by-moment reality of spirituality. To be honest my eyes have been covered more than others when it comes to this.

But tonight the question seemed rather alive. Or rather, the question-answer combo. Stated, "What present benefits of grace do you most appreciate?"

Short answer, "Being forgiven of recent things and having the strength to look past it towards joy, peace, comfort, and strength; to be 'alive and kicking.'"

Long answer, Sometimes this weight of sin seems too heavy to bear. The reason why is quite simple though, I leave it on my shoulders!! Hoist it up, parade with it, play football with it, sleep with it, make toasted sandwiches with it; It's a wonder my back doesn't hurt.

Of course I don't think it's healthy to "right off the bat" leave sin with no feelings of guilt. That's often ignoring the issue and, from observing and experiencing, will come later to bite your ass right off.

Recently, as in today, I was struck with an awful fact, bringing my sorrow full circle. Sin works in three ways (most of the time.) In no real order...

First, we sin against someone else. Be it through a straight up insult, omission, or harsh feelings toward them (even if unspoken.)

Second, we sin against ourselves. Note we ALWAYS do this if sin is involved.

Thirdly, and more terrifying, we sin against God.

I felt the first two; strongly, passionately, revoltingly, and present through most of the past week. Yet there was little to do with what I had actually done towards my Dad.

It happened while listening to Half-Handed Cloud (love him, now!) play "Even The Sparrow Be Arrowed" from the album We Haven't Just Been Told, We've Been Loved. See these lyrics yo!

All the beasts would be stoned grazing on that mountain for grazes
Even the sparrow'd be arrowed
When she touched those higher places.
We've been registered in heaven,
Word is, Lord has made us one.

For some reason, listening to his odd voice explain the deadliness of worshipping false God's and such made me realize:

I should be dead; I should be stoned; I should be arrowed.

Yet, all coming from the same source (the source of who would arrow me) arrives the other line, that glorious and beautiful other line:

We've been registered in heaven,
Word is, Lord has made us one.

In this Bible study it spoke of the Corinthians as saints. He also calls them depraved and perverted.

How?

Cause our sainthood isn't built off our own saintiness; it's a promise to be set apart, to be conformed by him till that last breath we draw.

Given our failures we can do one thing.

The same thing we did at the beginning: Run to his grace.

And I just wrote too much most folks care to read, esp with my horrible writing style! :-)

God bless*


*I hope God really does bless you!!

Lost (A preview or paraphrase of a much larger book or thoughts for 2007)

It is a wonder when a traveler loses his way. A glance to the left, a drink of coffee, bad directions, or simple ignorance; All these things can lead to his being lost.


In this world, the loss of focus on eternal things (ie the kingdom of God) is often muddled in squabblings of religion, fight for 'liberty', politics, or some vague sense of duty. Given what I've often said to my friends it is obvious I see the logic and value of speaking with men and women of other religions, I often practice quite liberal Christian life, and attempt some sort of dutiful living. So I'm not coming from some high and lofty position or being an arrogant prick.

I also know that apathy (read: rebellion) has been attributed by the second mentioned point of muddleness: "liberty." Still reacting violently against my former life of "Lists! lists! lists!" I often will do something with a sense of pride because I can quote the subverse, "All things are lawful for me," forgeting there is a comma, not a period.

So lately I've been in the position of wrestling with my own life. Not to discourage the reader let me note my life has not been some sort of Israel-esque fall. Rather there are just many things our Dad has been teaching me - namely that each waking hour is an offering to him. It is too easy for each day to slowly (or quickly) pass a person by with no meaning, no thought - a dismal stretch mark against the backdrop of eternity.

I often scoff at much of traditionalism - but not what the tradition is founded on (assuming it's something good, right?) When a stuffy man stands up and says, "Lord Jesus, we entreat thee to come into our lives and transform it by the pow'r of your word" there is no disagreement because I'd rather say it, "Jesus, brother, reach into this mess of ours and shake us out of this daydream we are in..." But...so often, I become a self-righteous prick, struggling to forgive, look pass, and love as I am called.

I was once asked what I fear. The answer came quickly and with little thinking: To become worthless.
Wortheless to brothers, sisters, family, those around me, to society (thought I don't do much now), and as a human.


Now something often on my mind (though not solitarily) is this relationship I'm in. Quite astonishing if I'm asked, there is much new of it as compared to those gals in the past I've known. It would take a blog post and a half to tell of us....but there is much of God's planning (I believe) all around it.


------

Thanks for entertaining my thoughts. Forgive any mispellings. Late night plus two beers make me tired.

Love you.

Madness Spurned In Tranquility So Often Stems From Rotted Roots

Darkness of the tent exasperate my soul.
Midnight atoms tranquilize the wino.
The prism in the dark surface
disperses the beam into reality,
setting forth each fruitless deed
as the passionless/ate asylum.
A noiseless siren, deafening,
whispers madness, my ears receptively
translating
the dictum into
solid-absolute-postmodern-relative
truth so that these eyes bleed
solid trickling linoleum and fluorescent lights;
prepackaged phrases, supple.
acquiescent on my skin;
burning a hole through this hand.

Music Retorts

Sun Tea and The Infinite-Personal God

As I held the small packet of Lipton ice tea in my hand as memory floated delightfully to my mind. In Oklahoma, my mother, grandmothers, aunts, and anybody Southern would partake in a near ancient tradition - Sun Tea. To my surprise, many of my coworkers are unaware of such a thing. Upon further questioning, only one other soul knew of what I spoke!

Allow me to preach such glorious news. Gather some black tea bags, which band you fancy would do. Take the desired amount of water (keeping in mind the water to bag ratio) and merge with the tea. This is only possibly in hot and sunny weather, for you now place that brewing treat in the sun. Allow it time to fully brew and heat. Unlike most tea, this does not have the luxury of a stove, teapot, or quickly heated water. Nope, it takes Mr. Sun and his son Ray to slowly blend the two. After this long time you must invite philosophy loving friends to sit and enjoy.

As I sip this delicious brew my mind is dwelling on the topic of sanctification. Quite a jump, isn't it? Yet think of the simply allusions between the two. Our bodies begin on earth as irreprobate beings, unable to even knock wind against God's holy law. Until the Holy Spirit invades the dreadful heart our minds and bodies are at a great enmity with God.

Though I believe justification is once-for-all, sanctification is an ongoing endeavor. Like Sun Tear (I feel like some cheap pastor now), the rays of Jesus Christ, through his word, will enliven us to become holy and obedient sons and daughters. Trials and fire set us to be pure and refined. When our hearts tense the most is often our most precious times of growth.

Therefore, we should not lose heart. "Though the outer man is decaying the inner man is being renewed day by day." Like sun tea, again taking the role of cheesy guy, the heat of the trials does nothing but refine, if we take these trials by the hand. Otherwise, we simply are beaten down and, perhaps, proven not of Christ's.

Just...short and simple thoughts tonight. I mean...how much can sun tea really inspire?

Takes a sip aaaaahhhh.

an adagio* of leitmotif** education

God, the omni-everything being, chooses to press information from scripture onto his people in various ways. Humanists would rather call in mere education obsession, artists have it as a passionate muse; The children of God often experience it as well.

A single notion, however complex she may be, begins to enrapture the soul, screaming well into the night. Two blogs seem to be involved in it right now. A sense of, "I must put it to paper, to thought, to late night ponderings."

If the Lion of Judah shall be so gracious with this child, a reoccurring thought...nay, magnificent obsession has come upon me. Though men often demean, distort, lose track, and otherwise give up, I ask the prayers of those few readers to remember me.

oh when the saints go marching in...how i long to be with that number.

*adagio is a very slow musical tempo
**leitmotif is a frequently recurring bit of melody

The Meadows of Worship

For the past thirty-five minutes my hands have hovered over the keyboard. Each time a sentance was created it was deleted shortly after. Finally a paragraph splurged its way. It, too, was erased.

I wanted it to be profound. People would come onto this page and think, "My, that Adam is a modern Jonathan Edwards!"

What does God call that? Pride, I think. So I decided it best to let others take my place.
-------

...the hippies of the 1960s did understand something. They were right in fighting the plastic culture, and the church should have been fighting it too... More than this, they were right in the fact that the plastic culture - modern man, the mechanistic worldview in university textbooks and in practice, the total threat of the machine, the establishment technology, the bourgeois upper middle class - is poor in its sensitivity to nature... As a utopian group, the counterculture understands something very real, both as to the culture as a culture, but also as to the poverty of modern man's concept of nature and the way the machine is eating up nature on every side.
Francis Schaeffer, Pollution and the Death of Man

...philosophy and religion deal with the same basic questions. Christians, and especially evangelical Christians, have tended to forget this. Philosophy and religion do not deal with different questions, though they give different answers and use different terms. The basic questions of both philosophy and religion (and I mean religion here in the wide sense, including Christianity) are the questions of Being (that is, what exists), of man and his dilemma (that is, morals), and of epistemology (that is, how man knows). Philosophy deals with these points, but so does religion, including evangelical, orthodox Christianity.
Francis Schaeffer, He is There and He is Not Silent

When we are delighted with flowery meadows and gentle beezes of wind, we may consider that we only see the emanations of the sweet benevolence of Jesus Christ; when we behold the fragrant rose and lily, we see his love and purity. So the green trees and fields, and singing of birds, are the emanations of his infinite joy and bengnity; the easiness and natrualness of trees and vines are shadows of his infinite beauty and loveliness; the crystal rivers and murmuring streams have the footsteps of his sweet grace and bounty...that beauteous light with which the world is filled in a clear day is a lively shadow of his spotless holiness and happiness, and delighting in communicating himself.
Jonathan Edwards, quoted in Jonathan Edwards, A Life by George M. Marsden

------------------

May sweet necturn fall on us,
its stickiness whole with joy.
Sprouted from green fields
of which we've not seen,
filtered through stars we've
merely seen glimmers of.

Insert Title Here

I have never been a man of greatness. Elementary-Adam was not a highlight for my teachers, the child whose parents recieve lavish adoration. Often subjects were difficult and I often lost interest. Numbers and letters seemed liked scribbles to me, utterly disconnected to any real existence. Very little sense came from "A" meaning a sound; "1" seemed an odd way to define having a singular apple. Needless to say, it took a while for the small bits of knowledge to sink in.

Football-Adam only became noteworthy my freshman year of high school. Yet the previous four years found a very shy and rarely aggressive kid being pummeled and humiliated - by players and coaches alike. Not to mention eighth grade year when, due to the small sized school, we practiced with the entire High School football team. Most notable giants were Jacob Higgins and "Buddha" Woody, 250+ gents who loved finding me on the opposite end (turned out Buddha thought I was a "cool" dude. Funny way to express it.) Allow me to provide a mental image of the opposite end.

"Alright, set up the defense!" Yelled Coach Tunnel. A star amongst these small town folk, his style of coaching involved two words: pain and dedegration. Occasionally he would give players the almighty "butt-slap," archaic even when Johnny Unitas* donned the uniform. Setting up the defense meant grabbing any free player and finding a position for him to hold. Regulated positions did not matter: A lineman could easily find himself at Linebacker or vice verse. More often than not, this player was neither lineman, linebacker or any sort of defensive player. He was thrown into an alien planet armed with plastic armor.
Then arrive the offense. When you are thirteen years old the world is a big place; you are a windshield splattered bug. It doesn't help when someone takes that bug and throws it at the windshield! Get the picture?
And I, this windshield bug, was constantly barraged and beaten by oncoming traffic. It doesn't fly far to say my self-esteem was quite low.
For much of my childhood I dreaded that final ending, sounding off like the hangman's call.

Then, like a glorious opening of a flower, my father came home with good news. No, fantastic, near-revolutionary news! We were moving again! Again? You might ask. Perhaps telling the beginning in the middle is an odd way about it, but shall we?

A few days after I was born my dad enlisted into the United States Navy. My mom cried. My grandparents cried. Chances are I didn't, since as a kid my parents say my voice was seldom found. It turned out to be quite earth shattering. See, my parents both grew up ten miles apart, each in what I call "Podunk" towns, or small towns. Rush Springs, Ok and Alex, OK probably sport 3,000 people combined, with twice as much intolerance for new things. (Case in point my brother, ostracized by the school system without a chance because his personality was different. Or so I'm told.) Each came from dry grounds (read poor), my mother being slightly better off, the real difference being the parents: Nanny Okla and Papa Lewis (dad's) loved my mother. Nanny Aline and Papa Bobby weren't too fond of my dad. I guess blazing around on a motorcycle didn't help.

Not to divulge into too many details, naval enlistment was, quite simply, the "evilest" thing to do, especially with two kids! One person was quoted to have said "You ain't takin' those babies!" (Not my mother, in case you were wondering.) After all was said and done, there I was, a bright eyed lump of flesh, in the middle of California. Six years I lived there. Until that day my dad's enlistment came up. Seeing as San Diego was "crime infested", it only seemed right to send our hides back to Oklahoma.

I know I'm jumping time here, but forgive me I have the habit of rambling. Four years later, returning to that revolutionary news, there was a new location on my plate. Gilbert, Arizona.

Since I spent much time in Oklahoma, allow me to simple headline my ventures. Freshman to sophomore found me as a football "star", yet I also attended classes on theater which invariably led me to becoming an actor. Here I met these weird "East Valley" Christians, through one I came to believe in Jesus as my savior. By knowing these folks I met Matt Picon, one of the more influential people in my life. He sustained me as friend and mentor, both enjoyable modes of relation. Then came Lizzy, then Jessica, then Mandy, for a while Stacey; then I met Liz. These five relationships were anything but quintessential as I had no car, money, and little savvy. It was also an era of "theological" learning, becoming familiar with terms such as Calvinism, apologetics, Reformed, and the likes.

Let's end with that. In each chapter of my life, be it football, acting, writing, singing, or dating I had been described, for the most part, as "full of potential." My teachers loved my writing and would greatly encourage me to continue. Cast members would always congratulate me and tell me "You can go places." One day, after four hours of practice, Coach Carol took me aside and spoke, "Adam, you know Jake and the other Varsity players? You know why they are good? Cause they work at it. You have a lot of potential. If you continue this pace, you can go places."

Yet I always seemed to stop; everything ended before developing. Maybe high school was the catalyst and now it’s gone or some relationship inspired me and that person is gone but...I always stopped at "You've got potential..."

It would make sense that my faith would inherit this same...unattractive quality. Since that night I whimpered out to God to my recent tears in be, much of it has seemed contrived...even flat out lying. Not lying against truth...but not being honest, genuine. Yet it’s not new. I remember memorizing arguments and "theological" equations in order to "know God." The sun setting never offered a perspective on God; it was just a sunset. The Bible, though I cried out "It’s the Word of God!" often leaves me wondering "Why am I saying that?"

I guess it all comes down to something very simple. There needs to be a genuine reason to believe. Should a man run to Jesus, if he does so unsure if he exists? Or don't we preach it to be a full "falling down" and admitting "I am really a sinner, unholy in your real existence. My unlawfulness can only be made lawful by the real blood your son really bled."?

So a decision was made. One decision, one night; I cannot bow the knee halfway to the ground anymore. If the God of scripture is real, he deserves my attention, intellectually, emotionally, poetically; all in all.

Those who believe, please pray. Those who don't...maybe you should join me. Someone asked, "What do you call yourself now? Christian? Agnostic? Atheist?" I responded, "I'm a human. One unafraid to step to the edge of the map and see if I fall off." I am sure, perhaps unreasonably so, that my questions will be answered, that my faith will be changed, enhanced, and enlarged.



but I'm still scared.


"The human mind wonders
"What is there?"
It should reach out and feel,
and open the books."
-Adam

The Human

The essence of Christianity is to resonate God's existence (and all that accompanies it) and to live out eternity with him. So often it becomes muddled in church politics, governmental policies, and which group we belong to. Not that these are bad things. In fact, we'd all do well if our churches sought God's designs, our politics were based on biblical principles, and we held tightly to each other as brothers.

But the end of all created things is to echo the attributes of its Creator. The rising of the sun demonstrates his faithfulness, the birth of children his life-bringing; much of creation faithfully demonstrates him.

Yet another part exists to showcase it. Humans; the only created thing to be created by his "breath." No other animal has the ability to create beauties like a painting, a love song, lengthy and wonderful books; an ant builds his mound and feeds the hive; a man raises children to talk, walk, care for people, etc. Yet because of our unique attributes comes the ability to do the opposite. Fathers who abandon their children, art that devalues human life; rapists, murderers, liars, sexual deviancy; In short the human being can create beauty and ugliness.

Right now I am listening to a piece performed by the classical guitarist John Williams. It is amazing when you keep a close ear to it. The subtle changes in rhythm and the sheer complexity of its arrangement. I'm definately not qualified to decipher music like this but even in that low state I can hear its beauty.

But in my life I have seen ugly things. Yet just as before, my knowledge/experience of it is still less than others. The dualities of beauty and ugliness attest much to man's complexities.

So here we have it, a created being with the capacity to create light and dark. Which is its purpose? How do we define what is truly beautiful and truly ugly?

A mesh of answers exists. Yet I am convinced by both reason and, I'll say it, emotion that the only sufficient answers lie within God's word, delivered to us through the hands of men, kept safe through the passage of time; It the God-breathed words of scripture that offer us a way out of the disgusting mess we're in and into the presence of something bigger.

Thought deserves to be given to questions regarding the pain Christianity has brought though. Yet I think, given this is just a random blog, the answer lies in two things: hypocrites and misjudgments. The first is obvious. The church deacon who runs off with the preachers wife, hateful groups that seek to harass people, and a whole slew of unlovingness. Yet it should be stated that while they seek God's will there is a distortion of it. The root of the problem? Lack of an intellectual understanding of scripture. In my short life every problem has stemmed from following my own desires* and not God's. Likewise, when men seek to change the world based on their own wisdom in most cases disaster follows.

The other problem is simply a misunderstanding of which the guilty party belongs to. While people scream "It's the Christians!" often we see its a group that adheres to what is described above.


It is a human being's duty and in his/her best interest to seek God's glory (demonstrating his existence.) In him do we find rest and comfort; understanding and peace. But make no mistake, there is a cost. Christ told us he came with a sword, not peace. The context of this regards how people react to his children. It's not far fetched to imagine parents despising their child for following Jesus nor co-workers alienating someone bent of serving Christ. But it is indeed worth the cost, to have fellowship with the creator, sustainer, and life-giver.

I certainly am not a bright example. Though I seek his glory there are times when I am rude to others, selfish, and just plain stupid...




*I think that "following your heart" and "following your own desires" should be made clear. I don't think God always decides our futures. But when an incident comes that involves a choice between right and wrong, following our heart is not always the best choice.

Gee-zuss Luh-ve-es Me

Just remem-me-ber
That he La-hi-oves you!
Just like he la-ha-oves
His only suh-uh-nion
And the spirit too (too, too)
And re-him-ber
That it’s not just wuh-ha-un
Guy that love love love love loves you
But its three in one one one!

And when the times are har-ar-ar-ard
You just take my handy hand hand
And we’ll walk uh-wa-a-a-a-ay
To a secluded place-ace-ace
And we’ll pray his nu-a-a-a-ame

Like a meowing kitty,

Bitty we are to the end-dend

Washing our feet before we s-i-t

Din-din is served at four

Someone the door-or-or

Holy spirits knockin’ for

You…………………….

the silent stare of mad men
await us towards the end
of a little hallway
stinking of vinegar
ripe with old wine

up on the wall he's stuck,
rusty bits of metal through his wrists
contorted halo of toothpicks

I dip my finger into it
pulling back in shame
walking away I shake my head
doubting it can be him
but believing anyways

The Servant Said, "Master, I struggle to see you."

What I'm going through right now may push some away from me. Others perhaps will simply stop talking to me while a few will, hopefully, help me.

The title of this blog explains the current state I'm in. A little over a year ago my faith began to shake. With tiny rips and tears I finally had run out of answers. The questions originally came from others; now they come from me. Someone I love said this freaked them out, that there was doubt in my life.

It does me as well. My breathing was nearly doubled when this came upon me. And like a breathing problem, it cannot be cured by putting a bag over my head. Up until now I've covered it up and made the leap of faith, leaving any reason for believing behind.

I cannot do that. I don't believe Jesus would want me to either. Or does he? Thus begins the questions haunting me.

?Questions?

Why should I believe?
What are logical reasons to believe anything?
What questions are logical?
Is the faith we're to have a blind one, taken with nothing other than feelings as motivation?

Reasons for doubt

I don't know how to judge whether the bible is true.

Reasons to believe

I've been taught to my whole life
The world holds too many complex things to simply have come into being over time
I've recieved much joy and peace from it, not to mention countless others I've witnessed recieve the same.
The Bible actually seems consistent.

My own counters to my reasons (purely honest ones)

Simply put, being told to believe is no real reason.
Many people recieve joy from numerous things, how do I know Christianity isn't another one?
I've not read the entire Bible, so my belief on that is based from the portions I have plus testimonies of others.


So thats where I stand.

Stuff

Jonathan Edwards is quite an extraordinary person. Though I am often guilty of idealizing people, turning them into a Person that their humanity is lost somewhere. What is amazing to see about him is how human he really was. So much talk of "The Puritans" and studying them has clouded the eyes of many, oft times forgetting they lived on the same earth as we.

Reading of Edwards' own depression, for instance, and his troubles with understanding God have brough much comfort to my life. The same man who delivered such powerful sermons as "Sinners in The Hands of An Angry God" and "The Excellencies of Christ" also endured agony with believing his conversion was real and genuine. The comfort I gain from that is two fold. Many of my friends were uneasy when I was wrestling with God. One in particular said it "freak them out" that I have struggled with "leaving Jesus." Initially I felt ashamed when they told me this. But after reading of Jonathan's own struggle I realized something. Its normal, if not even healthy, to not neglect doubt. I cannot imagine accepting it outright, no questions asked. Though I am aware of the passage "blessed are those who believe without seeing," can that be a rebuttal towards wanting the Bible's teachings to have some sort of reality? Let's assume, however dangerous it can be, that the Bible did say something you know for a fact is not true. How do we deal with it? I'm not saying whether a doctrine doesn't match with our view of truth, but rather says something 100% outright idiotic. Should we ignore it, just go on believing? I don't think so. There should be dilligent study into the matter. "Test all things"?

I do believe, however foolish some say it is, that the Bible does not do this. But there are times when it is murky, perhaps judging who wrote this Gospel or why is that epistle there? No shame is in my heart for bringing it to mind.

Perhaps this is why such study is needed, in my myriad of beliefs. There is a god. I'll say it with assurance not because the Bible says so but because its simply idiotic to believe otherwise. The world is so complex, so well put together to say "Yep, its all chance plus time." To add, it seems absurd that a being to create all of this, which seems to have such craftiness to it, would simply vanish, never speaking to us.

Thats where my reason based faith ends. Because, honestly, I was raised to accept the Bible and it was furthered once I became a Christian. So here I am, standing on it. Kinda shaky? I don't think so.

A poem of sorts

My daddy’s house is far away
Through the bending road,
into the darker tree line.
Deep into the brush
The hollows lay.

I push my hand through the branches,
The crackling scaring the birds,
And lift my foot over the stumps.
The satchels smack against my hip;
The weight of the books is slowing my pace.

The sun is hidden here,
Shrouded by moss covered leaves.
The smacking of branches leaves cuts,
Missing my eyes by inches.
Blood and tears are mixed while I tumble
Running madly through the day-night.
Losing my books in the mud
I crumble amidst ant piles and broken bottles.

Through the forest roof
A slit opens the sky.
A straw of light meets my eyes.
Pulling myself up,
Clutching my wounds tightly,
My feet stumble towards the east.

Another Blog

Just wanted to mention, since I know one or two folks read this thing, my friend Andy and I have our own blog ( http://the-spiritual-clinic.blogspot.com )

We use it to write more constructive things, as oppose to my tendancy to ramble in venues like this.

Enjoy

Just walked in the door...

...happens to be a friend of mine.

Short post.

The Upper Peninisula by Sufjan Stevens

I live in America
With a pair of Payless shoes
The upper penisula
And the television news
And I've seen my wife
At the K-Mart
In strange ideas
We live apart
I live in a trailer home
With a snow mobile, my car
The window is broken out
And the interstate is far
I drove all night
To find my child
In strange ideas
He's been reviled
In strange ideas
In stranger times
I've no idea
What's right sometimes
I lost my mind
I lost my life
I lost my job
I lost my wife